Mighty Little Man...

Kids have a way of changing your life.
For better or for worse, they take everything you know and turn it on its ear, forcing you to rethink your entire existence, step outside of your comfort zone and make life-decisions on the fly.

They change everything...
And yet their innocence, wonder and unquestionable love for you fill your heart with pride and confidence in the hope that you can make a positive difference in this one little life.

My son turned ten years old today.

He has endured 10 years of life with a mind-crippling disease that has narrowed the potential of his fruition and defined his victory in life as simple survival.
10 years of living in a fog.

He has no friends his age and certainly no comrades who'll spend time with him for the want of his company.
10 years of solitude.

In this long decade, my boy has cried nearly once per day.
That's 10 years of tears.

My son has had an army of doctors, therapists, social workers and teachers try to slowly decode his mental condition in hopes of piercing the fog of his mind and finding that one thing that helps him advance cognitively...All to little avail.
10 years of trying.

And what about me?
This threshold in his life has served as a point of reflection in mine.
I look at him now and think about all the times I've been angry or frustrated with him.
Every moment that I've yelled at him or been forceful with him erupts into my mind's eye and I experience once more the guilt and self-loathing that came in its aftermath.
It reminds me of how wretched and imperfect I am.
It reminds me of how undeserving I am of his love.

And yet, he gives it anyway.
Regardless of how I've acted in the past, my boy still seeks me out for comfort and companionship. He still seeks me out for horseplay and hijinks. And whenever he's down and wants kisses and cuddles, he still looks for Daddy.

And I give it to him. Whenever he wants it and whenever I can, I hug that little man every chance I get. Can you blame me? I'd get on my knees and beg his forgiveness if I thought it would work. But instead I think he'd just climb on my back to play horsey.

I'll never be able to tell, but I want to believe that's his way of forgiving me for my faults.
His love and affection shows me that I still have worth in his eyes.
"Apology accepted, Dad. Now giddyap!"

As hard as Vincent's Autism has been for him, I think that it's been harder for Lisa and I. I mean, we're not the ones suffering the fate. But ours is a sad existence because we know just how hard the world can be for someone like him. I think that's why it hurts so much.

But through it all, my child has been unconditionally loved by a lot of people. Myself, Lisa, his grandparents, family and friends. The people who get to know him become strengthened and uplifted by his perseverance and good humor.

He makes people better.
What more could a father want from his son?

So let me just say thank you.
Thank you Vincent, for all the playing, dreams and laughter.
Thank you for being a shining star in your mother's eyes and for touching the lives of all you meet.
Thank you for being good to your sister and for being someone she looks up to.
Thank you for being a good boy at home and for working hard at school.
But most of all, thank you for constantly forgiving me of my foibles and making me a better man.

I love you so much, my Mighty Little Man.
Regardless of your cognitive state, you've given me an abundance of warmth, nurturing and care.
10 years of love.

Happy Birthday, Vincent.

Happy Big Brother Day!!!

Amelia's birth has changed all our lives.
No one is this more true for than Vince. Thus to cushion the "new sibling shock," we threw a Big Brother party for him in hopes of emphasizing this change in siblinghood.

There were presents, ice cream and even a big cake. Vince was incredibly jazzed.
Through it all, we praised him for his patience and love.
I really hope this helps him accept Amy as a new family member. So far, the signs look great.

Here's a great shot of the cake.
Thank you, Grandma!
And thank you Mike, for picking it up and delivering it all to the house!





Vince really loved the railroad theme on the cake.
Here, he used his fork and some good table manners to enjoy the sweet delight.









Yeah, that didn't last long.











Once he was done noshing, he dove right into the cool gifts waiting for him.
The "Thomas the Tank Engine" leapster game was an instant hit!

After this, we watched some Blue's Clues.


Happy Big Brother Day, son!

A Hike in the Wasatch (7-2-07)

It's always great to hike the local areas around our home. This past Monday, Cheryl and Mike treated Vince and I to a day in the Wasatch Mountains. The hikes were incredible thanks to the perfect weather. It's nice to know that great hiking is less than thirty minutes away. This was the first trip where I used a proper digital camera instead of Lisa's phone cam. The pics came out great.
Take a look!
Our first hike of the day was a short jaunt to Donut Falls.
Here, Kimosabe takes a break at a stream crossing.







It was also a great place for Vince and Grandma to toss some stones!







Vince and Mike were a team again.








Towards the end of the trail, the lot of us had to cross a tricky little log bridge. I had handed the camera to Cheryl while Mike and I helped Vince cross. Thanks for the shot, Mom!






Donut Falls was a real treat. We got there before the sun crested the canyon, so the setting for our hike was still cool and perfect.










As is our custom, we had snacks at the trail midpoint.
Vince really had his breath taken away by the falls.







Once we were done, it was time to play. Vince and Mike scrambled across the boulders in the stream.







Taking a break.








Here's a view of our spot from up high.








Mike and Squirt crossing the log bridge on our way back.








After Donut Falls, Grandma treated us to lunch at the Silver Fork Lodge. Here's Vince, digging in on his grilled cheese sandwich.







After lunch, we hiked the Silver Lake to Solitude Lake trail.
It was gorgeous.







This picture is for my Mom in LA.
During my Mom's last visit, Cheryl and Mike had taken her to Silver Lake. Once I told her about Vince's affinity for hiking, she insisted that I take him as well.





I told you I'd do it, Ma!








Once we passed Silver Lake, it was a steadily ascending hike to Solitude.

The scenery was perfect.





We even had a local check us out.








When we finally arrived at Solitude, it was pretty hot. Luckily, there was a large Ponderosa Pine there to shade us.







Cheryl's feet were bugging her from the march, so she wanted to soak them. Sadly, Solitude wasn't an ideal place for a feet soak.







The view however, was awesome. Don't mind the construction workers. They're grading down more ski slopes. :-(







Vince chomped down a PB&J...








...and then kicked back in the shade!








Not too bad for a self portrait!








Once we finally made it back to Silver Lake, Mom found the perfect spot to soak her feet.

At that point, Squirt had started to get a little cranky.





But as you can imagine, the bellyaching stopped once he joined in with Grandma.







After we were done with our second hike, we jumped Guardsman Pass over to Park City.







Vince really took in the scenery.








Cheryl mentioned most matter-of-factly that one couldn't pass through Park City without getting some ice cream.

Needless to say, Vince was all for it.














While we ate, I let Vince take command of the digital camera. This is the shot he took of handsome ol' me.







And here's the shot Vince took of Grandma.

Waitaminute! Is she shooting him the bird?!?






Overall, it was a great day.
Thank you, Cheryl and Mike!

Vince's 1st Pack Meeting

This past Wednesday, Vince and I went to his first pack meeting. There, we had a cookout along with all the fancy fixin's.

As part of his Wolf Badge requirements, Vince had to cook a hot dog. He was a little unenthusiastic at first. But once the frank started sizzling, he began to take notice. Granted, he wouldn't touch the hot dog with a ten-foot pole when it was done. But he did insist that I eat the weenie and he eat the bun. (In other words, he fed it to me. ;-) Ah, food and Autism. Always an adventure.


After noshing down some vittles, the pack divided into dens and began their activities. Vince worked to the best of his understanding. Some things, like running in place, didn't make too much sense to him. (Can you believe that Cubs are supposed to do that for 5 minutes?!?) But when it came to playing catch or leap-frog, he really got into it.

Finally, the day ended with an award ceremony. Because of Vince's hard work during the day camp, he was awarded his Bobcat Badge. It's his first step in the awards ascension for Cubs.

Vince was also awarded his Archery and Geology belt loops for camp, too. It's strangely fitting, because Vince got a huge kick out of both slinging arrows and messin' with rocks.

Having an Autistic Cub Scout is a very surreal parental experience. On one hand, he's performing the deeds necessary to advance. But at the same time, I know that there are some activities that he just doesn't understand.

What should I do? Exactly what I am doing now.
If I continue to help him, continue to participate with him, something, some small part of his Cub Scouting is bound to stick with him and enrich his life.

Whatever good memories he makes are bound to last his lifetime. That makes all of the hardships worthwhile.

Our next step is trying to get him a uniform! Yeah, I'm excited too.

Vince's New Adventure

For the longest time, Lisa and I have bumped our brains trying to figure out how to give Vince new ways to interact with his peers. Now that he's finally old enough, we thought we'd give Cub Scouting a try. This weekend, Vince and I attended his first Cub Scout function, day camp.

It took a little to prepare for the day. Lis and I filled out forms, met pack representatives and gathered medical records so that the weekend would go off without a hitch.

Our first day was on Friday, 6-22-07.
Vince met his den buddies and pack leader before we departed for camp. I was really nervous because I wasn't sure how Vince would react to his new environs and companions. On that day, I learned that some activities were suitable for him while others weren't. He really enjoyed the obstacle courses and other physical events. But once things slowed down to concentrative subjects like cryptography, flag-raising and mapwork, I found myself having to maintain his attention with water breaks, juice treats and his Leapster.

We left a little early, when he started to get cranky. As we departed, I heard the uncoordinated sound of a hundred little voices saying goodbye to Vince. I turned him around and helped him wave to everyone, all the while fighting back tears.
In my opinion, the first day was a complete success. Vince had enjoyed himself. His denmates had accepted and interacted with him. And Vincent was eager enough to go the second day(6-23-07)!

That's when I made sure I brought the camera...

Vince really enjoyed the opening ceremonies and the skits put on by the camp staff. Here, he and his denmate, Sam, enjoy the staff's shenanigans.






Our first event that day was called "The Tower of Mr. E." Inside, the older scouts showed the cubs some spooky novelty lights and fake alien skulls in hopes of getting them in the mood for the camps spy theme.
Vince? He enjoyed the static electricity lights inside the tower. But the real treat for him was on top of the tower, where he got to descend on a rope ladder.


Here's our group proctor, "Zero," helping Vince get over the rail and onto the ladder.







It was a little tough at first...








...But once he got the hang of it, it was easy money.








Everybody cheered for him once he got on the ground.
Vince loved it!







How could I not be proud?








In between activities, we took water breaks and horsed around. Vince moved at the last minute!







Vince's favorite activity for the day were the push-carts. The boys would take turns riding and pushing their peers along a dirt track.
Vince got a kick out of riding and pushing!
Here, the Den Buddies push Sam through the Gauntlet.





And then it was Vince's turn!
From the Right, that's Sam, Bear and Drew. The kid on the Left was from another pack.






After everyone had gone, the kids gave their staff proctors a turn. It looks like "Jello" was holding on for dear life.







Lunchtime was every cub's favorite activity!
Eat up, guys.







At the end of both day, Vince looked the same. He was covered in dirt from head to toe with a big smile. This weekend really taught me how to successfully mitigate Cub Scout camps with Vince. Come next year, I know we'll be ready for even more fun.

Now our next scouting experience is coming this Friday with our first meeting.
Wish us luck!